Lately, I’ve had many conversations with people regarding feeling victimized by their own emotions. Placing blame on everyone and anything but themselves for how their life is turning out. How they feel about their job, family, and friends seems to cause them much stress.
Each of our emotions, including stress, are controlled by the thoughts we allow to flow through our minds. By the actions, we chose to take based on the views we have created. I know that sounds too simple, but honestly, it is. We can change what we allow to dominate our thoughts, we can choose to change directions and distract ourselves with more productive thoughts and actions. We just have to learn how to reroute our thoughts. This takes time and much practice,, as we have been conditioned not to think or behave this way. We have to believe we can do anything to help ourselves and we have the power within us.
If you don’t think you are loved or accepted or happy, then it is up to you to change how you think. You need to understand you can love, accept yourself and be happy. It is all within you, no one else can make you feel anything, it is up to you and how you think about yourself. Many of us tend to look to others for that validation when ultimately, it is within oneself. Once you find your way back to you, you don’t need others to validate you. When we come into this world, we are open and curious but as we age we begin to allow too many things and people to influence how we think and feel about ourselves. We have to learn that loving oneself does not make you selfish. It makes you a better person, sister, brother, mother, father or friend. When we understand how to love ourselves, we can then truly love others from a positive and open heart. But getting to that place takes time, takes effort and courage to be important in your own life. Making a real change in your life has to begin with the practice of new habits that turn into a way of life. It will not just magically happen. Only you can change or make situations better through your daily thoughts and then by your actions.
Every day you should reflect and figure out what it is that makes you happy & grateful. Then learn to talk about it, not just think about it. This does not mean posting for the world, it means having a conversation with yourself. Talking out loud while driving to work or while taking a walk. Another good way to let the negativity go or to develop good habits is to journal your thoughts & feelings, which allows you to reflect by going back and reread it, there is power in reading your written word.
Do not stay trapped inside your negative thoughts or be embarrassed/ashamed of your past. We need to let go of the past because it is just that. It is behind us, and we can not change anything that has happened, but we can change everything moving forward. When we open up, we can speak about ourselves not as a victim but as an individual who is or has evolved from these situations. This takes power out of “situations” that have happened to us. We no longer need to hide who we are or who we want to be. We can become authentic, we can then build, choose and live the life we desire.
So remember, going and having a pizza, ice cream or alcohol because someone has stressed you out or should I say you allowed yourself to get stressed out over someone’s actions, only adds and compiles to your feelings of stress. Instead, if you take a moment deep-breath and ask your self, do I control the outcome to what is bothering me? If the answer is yes, then do what needs to be done to change/correct the situation. If the answer is no, then let it go! If you can not improve or change the end results, you shouldn’t allow yourself to stress or worry. If you allow yourself to stress or worry, you are only harming your own wellness through disrupting your sleep, choosing to eat or drink unhealthy crap, then feeling angry with yourself for making those choices. In addition, you are unaware that the stress causes cortisol to evaluate your system, and that begins to create a spiral effect throughout your body.
Instead, give yourself a moment every day to connect, relax, lower your stress and let yourself know that you are going to be just fine. Then you can proceed with a clear mind. This will allow you to be nonreactive in your actions. Begin with breathing exercises, learn meditation practices using apps like Headspace to guide you, take walks to clear your mind or simply just be alone with yourself to process your emotions.
If you are in need of help to figure out how to apply practices to your life or understanding what methods to use, contact us or find a good health coach in your area. It is best to have added support in your life and knowing you have a team to build off of! At Ideal Wellness, we focus on each individual as a whole, your mind, body, and spirit while creating a healthy & happy person.