Do you ever hear a song and connect with it? Making you reflect on a particular time in your life? It happens to me all the time. I love music, all kinds of music! I enjoy all types from Dinah Washington to Chance the Rapper and everything in between. I use music to bring back memories, celebrate moments & the people in my life, to help me through struggles or merely to make me feel good deep down in my soul.
A few months ago I was driving, listening to the song, Back to You by Louis Tomlinson & Bebe Rexha. Listening to it made me start to think about some of the terrible relationships I have had throughout my life, and then it hit me, this song made me think about my relationship with food! OMG, I never realize how it honestly felt like a love affair gone wrong. Just look over these lyrics and ask yourself can you relate?
(Beware there is swearing, an F-bomb is dropped!)
You got me so addicted to the drama
I tell myself I’m done with wicked games
But then I get so numb with all the laughter
That I forget about the pain
Whoa, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We’re on the ground, we’re screaming
I don’t know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can’t take it
But I keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you
And I guess you’ll never know
All the bullshit that you put me through
And I guess you’ll never know, no
Yeah, so you can cut me up and kiss me harder
You can be the pill to ease the pain
‘Cause I know I’m addicted to your drama
Baby, here we go again
Wow, it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is what so many of us experience when feeling like we are a food addict or continuously yo-yo dieting. That is when I realized I did have a break up with my love affair of feeding my feelings. I had to let go, move on and recognize it did not love me the way I needed or deserved to be loved. (Yeah, I had a few men like that too!) I had to change how I thought about and spoke about food. Back then, I began to realize, that I was the only one who could honestly love me and make me happy. I needed to quit looking towards others or waiting for a better time to bring me that happiness. It was up to me. It scared me, but I did the work, and there was such a sense of freedom that came with these changes. It was not easy then, today it still is not easy, and I know I will always have work to do here. But I do know that no one person or any food could bring me love and happiness like I do for myself. When the arguments that I had daily in my head began to disappear, I began to feel lighter. My stress levels went down, and I was able to see my life through a better lens. Giving myself the control made life feel easier and allowed me to enjoy times with my family and friends. I no longer went to gatherings feeling obligated to indulge just because others did or wanted me too. I went to enjoy and celebrate the people I was with. I ignored dessert tables, and I have learned to protect my health, without apologizing! Through participating in my life, I began taking my kids to the beach without feeling like I shouldn’t be in a bathing suit. I no longer felt awkward or uncomfortable, ice skating, sledding, swimming or playing outside. I had never realized how RESTRICTED my life had been for so many years. I had severely limited myself all so that I could eat foods I thought tasted so good but left me so empty. So just like a bad break up with someone who treats you poorly, I can look back now and think good riddance! I deserve so much more out of my life. I think you do too. Let go of the negative self-talk, throw away the crutches! It is time to learn to embrace who you are, own your story & love yourself.